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This is inappropriate but I don’t care:

“procrastination is a lot like masturbation. In the end, you realize you’re only screwing yourself”.

Yep…a teacher working on a lesson plan on a Sunday night? Never…

Other random thoughts I’m having at the moment:

1) I found this dated gem on the internetz which has inspired me to write more. Writing more, however, will inevitably lead to the demise of the quality of the writing (ha! did I just assume that my writing is quality?). From now on, my own blog will no longer adhere to proper standards for writing. I’m just going to conveniently toss aside concerns for grammar, flow, logic, or any other writing convention that might actually make this blog decent and presentable. In fact, this blog will have no standards. I’m just hoping that it will grow into a much prettier version of my juvenile Xanga posts of old.

2) in college I used to think that true friendships developed over open-heart confessions. Often times I desired (subconsciously or consciously) those cathartic moments where I could listen to a brave individual break down in tears during sharing time, or I thirsted for those ‘heart-to-heart’ late night talks, or just simple confession of shameful sins. Good, honest discussion should always be the aim of every relationship, but now I realize that a relationship fundamentally built upon heavy doses of confession eventually fizzle out. I wondered why, because isn’t heart-to-heart confession what we are looking for?

Yes and no. The truth is, like all things, we need balance. If I cannot rofl or lol a deep, hearty laugh with you then no matter how many dark sins we’ve shared with each other our friendship will never grow. I’ve seen many bonds form around commiseration (aka Peace Corps), but after a while those friendships dissipate as well. I’m thinking about this in particular because certain organizations (read: churches) are always trying to chip away at our fake facades by means of confrontation rather than by creating a warm, inviting environment.

However, on the other hand, other churches fall into superficiality when they focus too much on creating a jocund atmosphere. (Game night anyone? -____- ) Like my pastor commented about certain churches before: “The regular Sunday routine is this – you go to church, listen to a sermon, go to Sunday school, then go to a nice church lunch afterwards and that’s your Sunday”. Yep. He’s spot on. It’s hard to break the ice of superficialness when you’ve got a meaningless but comfortable routine to begin with. I find that this problem pervades most churches rather than the one mentioned above.

3) I seriously thought about dropping out of teaching this past week. I saw the mound of papers on my desk and no matter where I hid them ( in the trunk of my car, in the safe confines of my backpack, at the very edge of my desk just where my peripheral vision can’t reach), these papers, like a haunting Chinese ancestor, crept up on me and harrowed my conscience.

But I’m going back to work tomorrow. And I’m glad. Why?

I’m affecting livesI’m so happy!

Well because I can’t wait to see the bright happy faces that greet me every morning! Because I love affecting lives! Because I love students! Because teaching is the one profession where I can make a true difference!

no, no, no.

Just as how an animal lover should never become a veterinarian, a person who “loves” kids should never become a teacher. Teachers have to work hard. On top of the mounds of paper work, you have to essentially tell your students to “Shut up and get to work” in the most delicate way possible so as to not find yourself without a job the next day. You have to manage students who are prone to lie and cheat and find every possible excuse to not do the work that you’ve assigned them weeks before. You have to discipline your students (all 150) to the point where they will curse and hate you because they feel you are killing them with all these demands.

In other words, you really, really, really have to love them. And if I’m honest with myself, I am NOT loving my students as much as I should.

But I digress. I am a teacher because, morally speaking, it’s the cleanest profession I can think of. I don’t have to make any moral compromises with this profession. I never have to push a product, or help a solely, profit-driven company that tries to profit off of our idiocy and human greed. The goals of a teacher are inextricably tied with the success and development of students. Even if you are gunning to be the teacher of the year, dreaming of being the next Erin Grunwell, or doing it for fame, there is no way to be successful at teaching without caring for the well being of a student. I’m happy to be a teacher because I don’t have to sell my soul. So many of my friends who have entered the corporate world may be advancing their skills and careers, but I wonder if they ever wonder about whether they are actually adding any value to this world.


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