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Addendum: I wrote this in January of 2011, right when I got back from T-stan. I don’t know why I put it as private back then, probably b/c it felt too raw still. Though, a lot of what’s expressed here still feels just as real today as it was then.


I’m exhausted. Went to church this morning, saw many old faces and met one new one. After church sped over to Fresh Choice and scarfed down salads, soups, breads, pizza–the works. After eating, came home washed my room windows, cleaned out my mother’s car interior, and jumped online job searching. After an hour or so of collecting and bookmarking websites on careers, mother called me to dinner. We ate hot pot for the third night in a row, which left us so stuffed that we had to walk up and down our private road a couple of times to rebalance ourselves. Now I’m back here on the internet, collecting websites that may or may not play a part in deciding the direction of my future path/fate.

One month ago I spent many a night sitting lazily with my host family sipping bland but hot tea on our carpet floors in front of the television. We watched mostly Turkish dating shows which I couldn’t understand but got second hand translations from my host mother or host gelneje. It’s surprising to think that I consider that time as easy. My chores consisted of keeping my room neat and clean, and bringing in the water from the well. Occasionally I had to cook for myself when my h mom wasn’t home, or help feed the animals. My work was stable and I had 7 faithful-as-golden-retrievers students who came day in and day out to learn English for two hours.

Now I’m here playing on a g4 Apple computer, wearing snug Northface jackets, and wearing Perry Ellis slacks riding in my father’s pride and joy, his new Volkswagon Passat Wagon (the color is “espresso”!). Life is fast here. And I’m exhausted.

Oh yes, the title. I just saw “Inception” about a week ago, and while I hope the current reality I am experiencing isn’t really some hallucinatory dream where I have to kill myself to really ‘wake up’, this sudden jump from one scene to this current one begs to question the connection. Dreams play out in capricious and dramatic scene changes without obvious connection with one another. There has been a change of scenery here–a great one that baffles my confused mind begging for connection, logic, reason.



  1. Would be cool for you to put the original date of when this was written.

  2. That’s pretty much how I feel everytime I return to a place after not being there for a chunk of time. It feels like waking up from a dream and you wonder for a moment if everything else was real.

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